In a scene that might sound more like an outtake from a low-budget political satire than an actual federal case file, a man in Washington, D.C. is now facing a felony charge for what authorities describe as an assault—committed with a Subway sandwich.
Let’s take a moment to absorb that.
🚨#BREAKING: A DC man has been charged with felony assault charges after hitting a federal agent with Subway sandwich
📌#Washington | #DC
A Washington, D.C. man is now facing federal charges after allegedly throwing a sub-style sandwich at a Customs and Border Protection… pic.twitter.com/e2zcx20Y1E
— R A W S A L E R T S (@rawsalerts) August 13, 2025
The incident, captured on video, shows 37-year-old Sean Charles Dunn screaming obscenities at law enforcement officers late Sunday night. In his hand? A hoagie. As tensions flare, Dunn abruptly turns, hurls the sandwich at one of the officers, and bolts. He didn’t get far. The officers pursued and arrested him shortly thereafter.
According to court documents, Dunn didn’t mince words. Upon arrest, he allegedly told officers, “I did it. I threw a sandwich.”
Yes, that’s now a statement on record in a federal criminal case.
Assault a law enforcement officer, and you’ll be prosecuted.
This guy thought it was funny—well, he doesn’t think it’s funny today, because we charged him with a felony. pic.twitter.com/O0NVAFDZrU
— Jeanine Pirro (@JudgeJeanine) August 13, 2025
U.S. Attorney Jeanine Pirro—who has never been one to understate the weight of law and order—addressed the incident with all the gravity she could muster. “He thought it was funny,” she said, visibly unamused. “Well, he doesn’t think it’s funny today because we charged him with a felony: assault on a police officer.” She concluded with a line that will no doubt live in infamy:
“Stick your Subway sandwich somewhere else.”
But beneath the absurd surface of this story lies a sobering context. The arrest occurred just hours before President Donald Trump announced his decision to take federal control of D.C.’s police force, deploying 800 National Guard troops to address what he described as rampant lawlessness in the capital. Whether you agree with the federalization or not, it set a tone: law enforcement is tightening the screws.
In that atmosphere, even a thrown sandwich becomes a serious matter.
It’s easy to laugh—and many will. But prosecutors aren’t treating it lightly. Dunn is being charged under a statute that covers assaulting, resisting, or impeding federal officers, a charge that carries significant weight regardless of whether the weapon was a firearm or footlong.